Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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