so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
