I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
