her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All I want is dick and wine.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
