How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
