Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
