OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm always down for nudity.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
