why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
