I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
