actually, I'm a sock model
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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