I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
