I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
