my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
