those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
