3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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