watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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