we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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