I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
