I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
