No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
