I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
