sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
