it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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