My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
