woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I could make wine with my vomit
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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