They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This house was built for laser tag.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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