Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
