Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
