I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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