My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
