dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
