I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
