worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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