she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
