My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
