No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
