I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
