Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
