You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
