first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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