my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
