I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
