you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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