is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
