i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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