Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
