I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
