cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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