oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
