Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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